Have a New Kid By Friday

As regular readers know, I have a strong willed child. One of our biggest struggles is getting her to obey, so naturally I was drawn to the bestselling book Have a New Kid by Friday, where Dr. Kevin Leman boldly claims your child will loose his or her bad behaviors within five days. The first quarter of this book explains the author's plan, giving you a part to chew on every day of the week. The premise is really pretty simple: Tell your child what you want her to do - once, then turn away and get busy with something else. If your child doesn't do what you ask, do nothing. Wait for her to ask something of you later in the day - then simply tell her "no." When she freaks out and asks why you're refusing to do something you've always let her do before, explain you didn't like her behavior earlier in the day - and leave it at that. This method, Lehman claims, works for "ankle biters" as well as teens (and yes, really even for adults).

The rest of the book deals with specific problems with the special aim of determining whether the problem is a mountain (worth bothering with, like refusing to go to church) or a mole hill (nothing to worry about, like a picky eater). In some instances, I found Lehman's method worked wonders. As a bonus, I found I was a lot less stressed. Suddenly, I was released from nagging - something I didn't even realize I'd been doing. Now, instead of telling my preschooler four times to do something, then disciplining her, I only had to say it once. However, many parents will find Lehman's advice difficult to follow. For example, when discussing teens who don't want to go to church with the family, the author suggests going to church without them, then doing something really fun afterward; in other words, make your child feel left out of something fun. I know this would be tough for me to do, and I wonder: What if that doesn't work? Because, in fact, I found Lehman's method doesn't always work. He almost acknowledges this when discussing defiance. He writes: "If spanking is compatible with your family values, this is indeed the time for a good swat on your kid's tail, combined with a stern look that says you mean business." Unfortunately, however, not all kids respond positively to spanking; some children actually become more strong willed when you spank. So I have mixed feelings about this book. I do think the method described in Have a New Kid by Friday is helpful, but I'm not sure how well it really works on very young children and strong willed kids. All in all, it's not the "cure" I'd hoped for, despite the fact that Dr. Lehman repeatedly says he guarantees great results.